What am I to do?

I sat on the bus, I sat in the chapel, I sit here in this darkened room at 11:00 pm and think.

What am I to do?

Today, we spent part of the afternoon at Yad Vashem, the Holocaust Memorial here in Jerusalem. We spent almost 2 hours there, but it was barely time enough to see one part of it, much less engage or process the hellacious history it tells. In the last minutes of the visit I visited the Children's Memorial, which commemorates the approximately 1.5 million Jewish CHILDREN killed during the Holocaust.

As we drove away, my head was spinning. Not all of what I saw or read was new to me... I spent some days at Auschwitz, including hearing a survivor speak, when I was in Poland in 2001. We were following the footsteps of St. Maximilian Kolbe, who died there at the concentration camp. In some ways, the picture at Yad Vashem was bigger, in some ways narrower. It spoke of the situation throughout the Reich. But, it spoke mostly of Jews. I do not necessarily fault it in this regard... that is a big enough story to tell, and certainly the story most central in Jerusalem. It is perhaps the unique horror of the Holocaust and the Third Reich, although certainly not the only one. I struggled not to let a search for perhaps an extreme or inappropriate objectivity dominate my attention. The experience of actually visiting Auschwitz was made real and alive again.

The enormity of what was done is really hard to grasp. By many accounts, 6 million or more lives taken specifically because of the religion/ethnicity of the people involved. Men and women, the old, the young. The healthy and the sick. Shot, starved, beaten, injected, gassed, burned. Each one a human person created in the image and likeness of God, with inestimable dignity. A number that large easily becomes meaningless.

So, the central question in my heart, mind, soul as we pulled away was this. What am I to do? It is necessary to analyze the situation historically, politically, philosphically, theologically. But, if I look primarily at others, other times, other places, I think the key moment is lost. The one over whom I have the most, if not complete or perfect, control, myself, can be ignored. What am I to do?

I must pray. For those who died, for those who killed them, for the tremors and aftershocks that still rock the world we live in. For forgiveness, for strength, for courage.

Here is one moment I think that really matters: I must examine my heart, my words, my conduct. Where do I allow hatred and violence towards others to reside? To look at what the Nazi's did and act as if it is so very far away from my own sin and inhumanity is perhaps disingenous. I could certainly overstate this... but what can be more fruitful and more revolutionary and more truly the good leaven of grace in the world than to allow this moment to be one of conversion in my heart... What am I to do? Who am I to be?

Lord Jesus, I do not understand.... Lord Jesus, I trust in You.

What are you to do? Who are you to be?
-Ben